A Cry For Help

An article in the New York Times today caught my eye about flash mobs.  Ever hear of them?  They're mobs of teens who get together in unspecified locations and at unspecified times based on text messages and other forms of rapid, mass communication.  Sounds kinda cool, doesn't it?  But, sadly, they're not calling these Flash Get-Togethers or Flash Social Events.  They're mobs, and they're acting like them.  Read the article, see the pictures.  These mobs are not filled with happy kids hoping to exchange advice or talk about the latest books they've read.  These kids are TICKED OFF.

Adults can talk all they want, plead all they want, and set up curfews all they want.  But unless we adults see the message, see past the violence and look to the root cause, this anger will just go somewhere else.

Ask the kids why they do it.  See what they say.

The article talks about mobs of kids running through a Macy's.  Of a game called "catch and wreck".  Violence and anger directed at those with more and those with less.  Why at those with less?  Why beat on homeless people and take their money?  Because they can, and they need to feel that power.

I'm not condoning what they're doing, not in the least bit.  But I'm not condoning the actions of the adults either, which is to shut these kids up and keep them in the homes they clearly don't want to be in to begin with.

I think it's time we all took action.  I think it's time we show that we care and that we've heard.

Here's what I agree with the most, a quote from the article:

"Clay Yeager, a juvenile justice consultant and former director of the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention in Pennsylvania, said he believed the flash mobs were partly a result of a decline in state money for youth violence prevention programs.

Financing for the programs has dropped 93 percent to $1.2 million in this year’s budget compared with $16 million in 2002. City financing for such programs has dropped to $1.9 million in the past three years compared with $4.1 million from 1999 through 2002, a 53 percent drop."

This clearly shows that we're just not paying attention to the kids and helping them vent their anger in other ways.

So here's what I'm proposing.  I'm going to start a charity (somehow) called "PEOPLE WHO GIVE A BUCK."  And all I'm going to ask from every man, woman AND child I can is for them to donate $1.  That's it.  $1 to restore the programs that have been taken away from these kids.  There's 1.4M people in Philly alone - if we get a quarter of that we'd get $350k.  More importantly, though, we'd show these kids that we've heard them, and that we're taking steps to make their life better.  

My goal is to get to $1M.  That's a lot of money, and at $1 each that's a lot of people.  But the money is secondary to the show of support.

I have no idea what I'm doing, or how to get started, so if you have any clues, please send them along.  I'll do whatever I can to investigate this on my own, but I need your help!  Send along any tips, advice, starting points, contacts, whatever you can.  

Let's show the kids that we DO give a buck.  

How are You living your life?

I've heard someone say (maybe it was me) that there are three types of dreams anyone can have:

1.  Where you are an observer - you are simply watching the dream like a movie
2.  Where you are a passive participant - someone is doing something to you (typical of nightmares)
3.  Where you are an active participant - you're actually controlling the outcome of the dream or taking charge.

Isn't it interesting, then, that the same could be said of life itself?  What kind of life are you leading?  Are you:

AN OBSERVER

Do you live your life as if nothing matters, you don't care about anything, and you just watch everyone else live their life with dreams or hopes of something happening to you?

PASSIVE?

Do you let others control your life, make decisions for you, tell you where you can or can't go or what you can or can't do?  I know, I know, you're saying "what the hell do you think Parents do ya moron?"  Well, true, they do control your life to some extent, at least in terms of trying to stop you from doing drugs, doing your homework, etc.  I mean, face it, they do have a bit more experience than you.  But what they don't control is how you feel about your homework.  How you react to an offer for drugs.  It's the old "lead a horse to water" bit.

And being passive isn't always obvious.  Have you ever said "they MAKE me so angry" or "he really made me depressed"?  Have you ever said "I don't want to do x because they'll make fun of me"?  Well guess what, that's passive living.  You're living according to SOMEONE ELSE'S judgements.  If THEY think dancing is stupid, I won't do it.  If THEY think I'm gay when I'm not I'm going to get really depressed.  Whatever THEY do, I'm going to react to.  That's passive behavior.  

ACTIVE?

Do you take charge and cause things to happen the way you want them to?  Do you take people's insults, their anger towards you, and make the decision to see what's wrong with THEM?  If so, good for you!  You will create the events that lead to your deepest desires, regardless of external input.  These are the folks that go far. 

If you're in category one or two, DON'T DESPAIR!  You can make it different for yourself, starting by what you're reading now!  Take a look within yourself.  How did this article make you feel?  Angry?  Depressed cuz I'm right and you're an Observer?  Well there ya go - one article has MADE you feel one way or another.  

So take another look.  Read the article again, then PAUSE and ask yourself one simple question.  "How do I WANT to respond to this?"  Then you'll realize a) you DO have a choice to make, and b) you CAN choose to react or feel the way that's best for you, which means, c) YOU run your own life.  Not someone else.

Hope this helps.  If it doesn't make sense or you want to ask further questions in private, feel free to email me.  The email address is right here on the blog.

Have a great weekend!

Ya'll just ain't wired right!

CHECK THIS ARTICLE OUT!

Sorry.  Didn't mean to shout.

What do you think?  I'm not gonna argue with science, but I don't think this is the full answer to all a teen's problems either.  How you guys react to the things going on around you are definitely influenced by the physiological growth of the brain, but it's so much more than that.

I've included the beginning of Chapter 6 of my book to help show what I mean.  Let me know what you think - am I whacked?  Does this make sense?

**** EXERPT FROM DEALING WITH DUDES AND CHICKS ****

Chapter 6 – Building Truth One Brick At A Time

Now we get to the heart of the matter. The point at which you get to tell your parents “You don’t know what it’s like to be a teenager today!” Because they don’t. And here’s why.

Input. Data. Points of information. When your parents were teenagers, like me, we had three channels of television, newspapers, and radio. No no, don’t roll your eyes, this is NOT going to be another “when I was your age” story. Ok, maybe a little. But it’s relevant and important to point out because this goes to the heart of today’s teen issues.

So settle in for a nice long fatherly old-fart lecture.

Just kidding. I hate the look Cara gives me when I start in on that.

*It is interesting learning about the STONE age. Except, the video games kinda sucked.

They were exceptional for the times, thank you very much!

Anyway, yes, the method and means of receiving data for today’s teenagers were completely and utterly unfathomable fifty years ago. Thirty years ago! Hell, when I was sixteen 1996 was the basis for a Sci-Fi movie! 2001 was a hit movie about exploration of space. When they wanted to do a sequel they jacked it up to 2010. And in those movies the computer HAL took up an entire room! Today, the processing power of your friggin’ iPod is greater than HAL.

Ok, so yes, we get it. Things were a lot different then. So what?

So what? Where do you think your sources of truth come from?

I’ll let that sink in a minute.

My parents' primary source of truth were their parents and their teachers. They didn’t read the papers much, and when they read books and comics they knew they were reading fiction (they didn’t really think Superman was alive and well in Metropolis). Two main points of data input. That’s it.

Me? I got into computers a bit, had cable when it first came out, so my sources of data increased a little bit, but it was still primarily Mom and Dad and Ms. Greely, my junior year history teacher. So my truth was based on that input. Which means when my dad spanked me, which he did on occasion, I had no reason to think that he wasn’t completely and utterly disappointed in me and thought I was a complete failure. Why wouldn’t I? He was my main source of data! If he was happy with me I was a good boy. If he was angry with me I was a disappointment. It was that simple.

Not so simple anymore.

The amount of input you’ve received in the first fifteen or sixteen years of your life probably exceed the amount I’ve received in forty-one. All at an age when you are like a SPONGE. All teenagers, regardless of the era they lived in, go through growth spurts and thought spurts and puberty and changes at such a quick rate that their voices crack while they grow three inches and get their first vividly sexual dreams. That’s a lot to handle in three months of a summer!

Now add on top of that hundreds of channels of cable (or satellite), thousands of songs, instant messaging, texting, tweeting, and face-booking of opinions from hundreds of thousands of people telling you how to act, think, look, talk and dress. Man, I’m pooped just thinkin’ about it. No wonder you guys want to explode!

When You Just Don't Give a *%!@%

Ever wake up and realize nothing really matters?  No matter what you do, things remain the same and you just can't seem to find any reason to get up?  Yeah, happens to me too.  Kind of a crappy way to start the day.

What's it all about?

The meaning of life, which is a great movie by Monty Python by the way, is undefinable.  The meaning of life is the meaning YOU put into it.  When you wake up, sigh, and think that the day is really gonna suck, that's the meaning you're putting into life.

How do you combat this?  Is there anything you can do to change it?

YES!

First step is to become AWARE that you've got a choice to make - that the meaning of life is totally up to you.  Now I know awareness is extremely difficult to come by when you're tired or cranky or have a ton of homework, but it is possible.  Try this next time you feel like crap:  ask yourself "Do I really WANT to feel this way?"

Now, that may trigger this whole internal debate that might go something like this:

"Do I really want to feel this way?"
"You don't have a choice, moron.  You've got three tests today, {fill in name here} hates you, your parents are idiots and you have no life.  How ELSE are you gonna feel?"

Tough argument, right?  Well, the internal voice knocking you around is what Eckhart Tolle calls the "ego".  Yeah, you've probably heard about it in Psych or something, but this isn't the Ego like the Id, Ego and SuperEgo, although you might be able to find some parallels.  No, this little bugger is an attention-needing whiny machine that lives in all of us.  It thrives when given attention.  You argue with it and the arguments grow louder and seem to make more sense.

In my book, Dealing with Dudes and Chicks, I explain how this is the mind working to prepare you for the worst case scenario.  But with awareness that you have a choice to make, you can either focus your energy on what the mind is prepping you for (which, when thinking about it as an EGO actually makes you feel somewhat good), or you can take control of the situation and respond to the "Do I really want to feel this way?" question with a resounding "NO!"

The most important thing to remember in all of this, though, is that the choice is entirely up to you.  YOU have that power.  You really do!

Couldn't Have Said it Better Myself...

I've been sayin' it!  And now that it's out there, you know it's not just the ravings of some old fart makin' this stuff up.

Read the following...and realize that YOU.  ARE.  PERFECT.  Thanks, Caitlin Crosby...

OH!  And by the way, if you're a cynic like me and think "Oh yeah, easy for her to say, she looks perfect, has a great bod, and wears tons of makeup", don't dismiss the words just because of the messenger.  The meaning is clear, even if you think the delivery is hypocritical.


Here I am, half a man,
I'm not a doctor, I'm not a ten
And I never helped the score
I drive to fast, the team picked me last
I break the rules and like it
My body curves, I forget the words
I missed the serve and lost it

All my flaws to see
But you still love
Love me

Here I am face down
Sometimes I smile or frown
But it depends on the time of day
Here I go off the road
I spend cash on my clothes when I still have bills to pay
My skin isn't clear
Haven't spoken in a year
'Cause I still have fears I'm tryin' to overcome
My truths aren't right
My jeans are too tight
When I pick a fight I turn to run

All my flaws to see
But you still love, love me
You still love me

Even when I sin I don't fit in
'Cause I've been burned when I waited my turn
Don't act my age I don't want too
Call it a phase call me a taboo
Won't do as I'm told to believe
I wear my heart on my sleeve
Oh, oh, oh

All my flaws to see
You still love, love me yay
You still love oh oh
You still love me

Happy Belated New Year!

Well, the new year is officially 8 days old and it probably doesn't feel much different, does it?  I know, it's 2010 - which was a pretty cool movie, by the way - but it doesn't really feel that much different.

Did you make New Year's Resolutions?  I didn't.  I don't make those under the assumptions that because I RESOLVE to do something doesn't necessarily make it so.  I make New Year's AM's.  (Am's?  What the heck?  These are statements of who I am.  The change occurs immediately, and is reinforced by my statement of who I am.)

I am:

• A writer
• A loving father and husband
• A good son
• A caring brother
• A funny guy
• living life to it's fullest
• eating healthier
• exercising whenever I can
• facing any challenges head on with the knowledge that I am capable!
• determined to be published
• undaunted by those who say I can't

Not a bad list, right?  You should try it.  Who are you, and what are you defining yourself to be?  If you find yourself listing all negative things, turn them around in a way that makes sense to you and feels right.

Instead of I AM FAT, try I AM DETERMINED TO LOSE WEIGHT or I AM A HEALTHY EATER.  Instead of I AM TIRED, say I AM EXCITED ABOUT LIFE.

Write these down, post them somewhere, and look at them everyday.  But don't just look at them, look at yourself in the mirror.  SEE these things in you.  You'll be amazed at how quickly you begin to realize they're all true.

Happy New Year!